The Examined Life of Masculinities
(First published https://www.tarshi.net/inplainspeak/the-examined-life-of-masculinities/)
Almost unwittingly, the man-woman binary has left
behind a progeny that we are still getting to know – the dualism of the
masculine and the feminine, characteristics of which, we now know, reside in
each of us. The masculine
and the feminine have been in bed with each other’s powers, and weaknesses,
more than with each other’s meaning. These categories left unto themselves have a propensity to overlap,
mingle, intertwine and interwreathe within a
person. These categories live in a trap of behaviours determined by stereotypes
and expectations, which among other things, shape and influence our sexuality.
In unpeeling the many
intersections between masculinities and sexuality, we need to place upfront the
‘traditional masculinity ideology’[4]
which has been understood as a collective of characteristics such as
anti-femininity, achievement, eschewal of the appearance of weakness, and
adventure, risk, and violence. Stewed in the cauldron of culture, religion,
ethnicity, popular cinema and literature – this traditional understanding of
masculinity, and therefore of femininity have become pervasive and sometimes
toxic, placing men and women and their diversities in cages, each neatly
labelled, as though, for easy identification.
Let us briefly examine
how two of these characteristics have played out in modern societies. First,
the idea of achievement within the traditional masculine ideology has, in
capitalist societies, been further contaminated with the narrow and unhelpful
definition of success – i.e. success is the result of individual effort alone
and little else. Previously it may have been routine to address the not-so-successful
as ‘unfortunate’, keeping in mind the many influences in an individual’s life that
contribute to their achievements, including plain good fortune. But with the
rise of modern societies, it is common for the unsuccessful to be labelled the
pejorative ‘loser’. In this context, any display of weakness, self-doubt or
vulnerability is seen as adding flesh and substance to the label of loser.
While modern societies were meant to shear masculinities of its stereotypes,
they force the exact opposite process of solidifying them.
Second, it is worth
noting a prevalent dualism parallel to that of masculinity and femininity –
that of rationality and emotionality.
Traditional masculine ideology has ascribed rationality to itself, steering
rather clear of emotionality. Rationality, the reliance on logic and reason, is
seen as increasing the likelihood of truth, and therefore useful for decision-making.
Emotionality, i.e. the degree to which an individual may feel and express
emotions, on the other hand, is seen, in the traditional male ideology as a
display of weakness. Instead of an engagement with the rational truth, it is
denigrated as merely being an expression of the ‘personal significance of a
thing, an event, or a state of affairs’. Having internalised these two parallel
dualisms men and women
have further fortified the traditional masculine ideologies mentioned above.
Despite this, the good
news is that men and boys have now started recognising (with some help, maybe,
from the feminine influences in their lives) and indeed addressing these
traditionally accepted characteristics of masculinity. They continue to resist
the pressures to reproduce traditional norms. Unfortunately, people of
different genders experience what is called the ‘gender role strain’[5] when
they pushback – when they deviate from gender role norms of masculinity (and
femininity) and replace them with their lived experiences rather than borrowed
ones.
The bad news is that
while modern men and masculinities have had some success in recalibrating their
relationship with stereotypes and expectations of the traditional masculine
ideology, one major gap persists. There are neither templates nor signposts to
help steer masculinities closer to expression of human vulnerabilities. (Vulnerability
can be loosely defined as the predisposition to be negatively affected either
physically or emotionally – the word is derived from the Latin noun vulnus, meaning ‘wound’.) The reason
this is bad news is because while masculinities have traditionally, and in
modern times, done everything within their means to avoid the discussion on
vulnerabilities, inner turmoil and anxieties, these are often the main
initiators of the process of understanding and expressing sexuality.
Whichever gender the
masculine may reside in –– it seems to be losing in a poignant internal struggle.
This is the struggle between the inner
world of the masculine which contains, and is capable of, wounds, and its outer
world which seems bereft of the language of the fragile, the tentative and the
hurt.
We may need to ask
whether masculinities that cannot lean right into vulnerabilities (with the
same bravado that they have perfected in other spheres of life) are at all
capable of expressions of their sexuality in all its potentialities. We may
need to ask if above all, the ‘examined life’ that Socrates exhorted us to live
doesn’t include our capacities to wrest vulnerabilities out of the clutches of
the masculine and free them for expression and breakthrough.
The inability to
correctly identify, express and sooth (all three without exception, and in no
particular order) inner vulnerabilities and imperfections is the weakest link
between asserting masculinities and being able to properly live their full
potential.
[2]
Chaplin, Tara M, and Amelia Aldao. Gender differences in
emotion expression in children: a meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin. Vol. 139,4 (2013): 735-65. DOI:10.1037/a0030737
[3]
Rachel Connelly & Jean Kimmel (2015) If
you're happy and you know it: How do mothers and fathers in the US really feel
about caring for their children?, Feminist
Economics, 21:1, 1-34, DOI: 10.1080/13545701.2014.970210
[4]
Levant, R. F., & Richmond, K. (2007). A review of research on masculinity
ideologies using the Male Role Norms Inventory. The Journal of Men's Studies,
15(2), 130-146.
[5]
Pleck, J. H. (1995). The gender role strain paradigm: An update. In R. F.
Levant & W. S. Pollack (Eds.), A new psychology of men (pp. 11-32). New
York, NY, US: Basic Books.